tis the season

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Gifts That Hurt

I am a word girl - no doubt about it.

Words can hurt and heal. They lift you up and tear you down.

Whoever said "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me," has never been a teenage girl.

And there are some things that are hard to write and hard to say - even for someone who is blessed with the gift of words. That's what I have been struggling with all week.

I am in the middle of a fight. Even those closest to me don't know the extent of what I'm dealing with. I've been asked by legal council to document events & instances that are painful. And I just don't know if I can do it. I have never avoided a writing assignment like I have this one.

Once I put it down on paper then I have to acknowledge it and am responsible for doing something about it. When the pen meets the paper, then it becomes really, really, really real. That is so scary for me.

The process has been like cracking open a door just enough that I see what's inside and having all the junk spill out. The mess that I've tried to keep locked away and out of sight will soon be open for all to see.

It's ironic to me that the very thing God has blessed me with using to encourage others is also the thing that cuts to my soul. For weeks, I haven't understood how this is possible.

Finally today, my "Ah-Ha" moment has come. It's not my words that heal. The words are His. I'm just the vessel. The words of others get beside me because I put such heavy stock in their value.

The words used to hurt me aren't His words. The names and cruel things that have been said aren't who He says I am. So, why do I place value in the hateful spewings of another.

At the end of the day, what matters is who God says I am.... and He says I'm amazing! (and so are you)

Please keep me in your prayers. I have a long, bumpy road ahead.


  1. ((hugs)) This took courage to write and even more courage to post. I love the conclusion that you ended with - it's one God has been speaking to me in the past year and a half too. Words do hurt, so, so much, but what I'm learning is that the only words that NEED to matter to me are His. It's a hard lesson to learn, believe me. Praying for you!

    1. Thank you, Stephanie. I appreciate your words and support more than I can tell you!

  2. Ah, Jessica! Thank you for sharing so honestly. I will absolutely be praying for you on this road and look forward to getting to know you more. You are not alone!

    1. Thank you so much for the support. This too shall pass, right?! And having so many of you (in)couraging me is such a big help. God is so good to me and these struggles only bring me closer to Him.

  3. {Kathy} Your journey sounds like it has taken a dark road. Remember that it is during these times we lean upon God to guide us, to light His way. Show your compassion at the same time you show your strength in your writing about these things, whatever they are. You can do this.

    1. It has actually come out of a dark place. I was there several years ago. I am just having to relive some of it, so to speak. Thanks for the encouragement. It's not easy or pleasant. It is necessary though and all for His glory.